How To Tell Your Love Interest That You Are An Alcohol Addict?

 So, you have started seeing someone, first just for companionship, not looking for any long-term entanglement. Now it feels like there could be something there, and you want more. What you are experiencing is a need to share and interact with another human being on a more intimate level. That’s all fine and good, healthy, in fact. However, you harbor a secret: you are an alcoholic. You really do not want to tell this person your whole story. Maybe, if you keep it hidden, things will work out okay. Don’t delude yourself. You have to be truthful. If you don’t, somewhere down the line, it will come out anyway, and you will likely lose the relationship. But how and when should you come clean? How do you tell someone you care about that alcohol is addictive for you?

If you are new to recovery, this may be the first time in a long time that you have been in a frame of mind to even have a relationship on a deeper level with another individual. This may not be something you want to hear, but now may not be the time to actively pursue a romantic involvement. You may need to give yourself more time to work on your coping skills, give and receive support from your 12-step friends, and work on charting your short-term and long-term goals. Why? The answer is simple. You want to be in a position to freely give and receive love and affection and not have things clouded by your ongoing work to remain clean and sober. In other words, your focus right now should be on your recovery, as well as envisioning a future that encompasses everything you want, including sharing your life with another.

When you are further along in recovery, and to the point where you are actively helping others in their own recovery, you’re in a better position to begin or strengthen a romantic relationship with another person. In fact, it’s probably a much more realistic time for you to meet someone new, someone sober, and with whom you can begin to interact. Still, there’s the nagging question: when is the right time, and what do I say?

Before you decide anything or blurt out your story at the first available opportunity, examine what it is that you want to get out of this relationship. This is not about you being selfish. Rather, it’s about how genuine your feelings are for the other person. If what you are feeling is truly from the heart, you will want to give and do things that make this person happy, that help him or her grow. You are reaching outside yourself. How different from the days when all you thought about was your own problems, or getting your next drink or keeping your troubles from costing you your job or resulting in financial and legal difficulties. An outer focus instead of an inner focus is a sign of progress in recovery.

Well, you know you are an alcoholic, and you will always be an alcoholic. Back to your motives, if what you want is something wholesome and good with this individual that you are beginning to care more for, then you can’t really separate the part of yourself that is the alcoholic from the current equation.

Deep inside, you know you have to tell this person the truth. You can avoid the inevitable for a while, but it will come up. It’s best to prepare yourself so that you can speak honestly about your situation.